I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
