i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
