I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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