I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I could fuck to npr.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
