i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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