Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And then my night got REAL pukey
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I did not marry a roomba.
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