Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
