I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
