Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
