I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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