2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
