we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
