Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
