Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
