dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
