What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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