She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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