btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize