a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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