Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
