Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
