I just cut my nipple shaving
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
