Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
