Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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