My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.