hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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