God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i think im in europe. pls send help
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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