I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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