jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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