Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
