When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
