haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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