It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
