I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
