well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
