Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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