I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
