Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
