why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
