Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
