If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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