pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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