i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
