the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
