my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
