I just saw a hot homeless man
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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