well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Randomize
