Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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