She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize
