my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
