he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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