I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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