Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
