Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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