There was a lot of him and a little penis
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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