you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
