dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.