i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am