Texts From Last Night

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  (755): View more from

  How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?

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  (755): How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad? http://tfl.nu/39qf
  Replies (5) Good night (625) Bad night (1270)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog

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  (732): Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog http://tfl.nu/ui9n
  Replies (61) Good night (790) Bad night (3055)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?

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  (603): So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'? http://tfl.nu/2o2u
  Replies (26) Good night (951) Bad night (3763)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister

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  (409): so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister http://tfl.nu/4kg0
  Replies (56) Good night (9196) Bad night (2533)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!

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  (832): i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!! http://tfl.nu/co2h
  Replies (28) Good night (5570) Bad night (677)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.

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  (734): Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half. http://tfl.nu/b8ev
  Replies (29) Good night (4437) Bad night (1249)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Good morning to you

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  (203): Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday? (1-203): Good morning to you http://tfl.nu/rc7c
  Replies (12) Good night (5036) Bad night (2308)
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  (315): View more from New York

  The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.

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  (315): The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/v27u
  Replies (3) Good night (2859) Bad night (885)
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  (779): View more from Illinois

  explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?

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  (779): explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer? http://tfl.nu/17j8
  Replies (5) Good night (1055) Bad night (1466)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.

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  (732): I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/4od2
  Replies (5) Good night (810) Bad night (1688)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case

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  (917): My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case http://tfl.nu/1awx
  Replies (3) Good night (1866) Bad night (701)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.

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  (701): Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more. http://tfl.nu/i6gm
  Replies (7) Good night (1336) Bad night (598)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.

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  (910): He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening. http://tfl.nu/sddk
  Replies (5) Good night (1341) Bad night (520)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.

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  (+61): It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls. http://tfl.nu/jcbb
  Replies (1) Good night (1179) Bad night (529)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.

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  (512): I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual. http://tfl.nu/irow
  Replies (1) Good night (771) Bad night (320)

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