At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.