My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches