I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
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hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
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Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.