guys are only as good as the porn they watch
do herpes really smell.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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