My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
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It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
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I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.