you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
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My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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