The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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