I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I need to stop coming to work sober
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
